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The Last Cookie
He'd been a
buckaroo of note for nigh on sixty years,
But now the time had
come for him to leave this vale of tears!
He said, "Now wife
please leave me for I wish to ponder some
of all that I've
accomplished, and what is soon to come."
He lay there in
his solitude, his thoughts began to flow,
when his nose was
tweaked by an aroma from the kitchen just below!
"My wife's bakin'
some cookies all full of choclit chips!"
The thought of those
sweet morsels brought saliva to his lips.
With all the
strength left in him he rolled down off the bed,
crawled out to
the hallway and on the door frame struck his head!
When down the
stairs he tumbled and at the bottom in a heap,
thought when I was
a much younger man them suckers weren't that steep!
To the kitchen he
made his way, an anguished labored crawl,
when he saw upon the
table, those cookies stacked so tall.
All fresh from mother's
oven, piping hot with choclit goo,
I'll make it to my mecca if
it's the last thing that I do!
His hands
stretched out his fingers strained when almost on the prize,
when
a SMACK!! came down upon his wrist and much to his surprise!
There stood his sweet beloved uttering words that filled his heart
with sorrow.
"DON'T TOUCH A
SINGLE ONE OF THEM,
THEY'RE FOR THE FUNERAL TOMORROW!!"
(Copyright © 2005 Thom Blackbird)
Poem : The Cookie Thief
A woman was
waiting at the airport one night,
With several long hours before
her flight.
She hunted for a book in the airport shop,
Bought
a bag of cookies and found a place to drop.
She was engrossed
in her book, but happened to see,
That the man beside her, as
bold as could be,
Grabbed a cookie or two from the bag between,
Which she tried to ignore to avoid a scene
She read, munched
cookies, and watched the clock,
As the gustly "cookie thief"
diminished her stock
She was getting more irritated as the
minutes ticked by,
Thinking, "If I wasn't so nice, I'd blacken
his eye!"
With each cookie
she took, he took one too.
When only one was left, she wondered
what he'd do.
with a smile on his face and a nervous laugh,
He
took the last cookie and broke it in half.
He offered her
half, and he ate the other.
She snatched it from him and thought,
"Oh brother,
This guy has some nerve, and he's also so rude,
Why, he didn't even show any gratitude!"
She had never
known when she had been so galled,
And sighed with relief when
her flight was called.
She gathered her belongings and headed for
the gate,
Refusing to look at the "thieving ingrate".
She boarded the
plane and sank in her seat,
Then sought her book, which was
almost complete.
As she reached in her baggage, she gasped with
surprise.
There were her bag of cookies in front of her eyes!
"If mine are
here," she moaned with despair.
"Then the others were his and he
tried to share!"
Too late to apologize, she realized with grief,
That she was the rude one, the ingrate, the thief!!!!
(by Valerie Cox)
Holiday Feasting
Holiday time is
for feasting;
We look forward to each treat.
The tables are
full of our favorite foods;
We’ve got lots of good things to eat.
We scarf marsh-mallowed
sweet potatoes;
There’s cider and eggnog to slurp.
There’s so
much going down at once,
Who can help an occasional burp?
Here’s the
turkey, dressing and gravy;
Let’s all get down to chewing it,
And if we pass a little gas,
Who’ll notice? Everyone’s doing it.
Dessert is three
kinds of pie;
Then pass the box of candy.
Next year will you
please remind us
To have Alka-Seltzer handy!
(By Joanna Fuchs)
One Day After
Christmas
It's one day after
Christmas
I'm crabby and I'm broke.
I'm so full of ham and
fruitcake
I think I'm gonna croak.
It's nice to see
the relatives
I wonder when they'll leave.
They've been
camping in my bathroom
since early Christmas Eve.
They're
eating everything in sight
and sleeping in my bed.
I been
sacked out in the basement
with my beagle, Fred.
The relatives have
all gone out
and left their screaming brats.
The toilet bowl
is all plugged up
and I can't find the cat.
It's Christmastime
at my house,
the relatives are here.
They eat me out of house
and home.
and drink up all my beer.
I love the
decorations,
and the sleigh bells in the snow
But I wish those
pesky relatives
would take their kids and go.
Those cookie
crunchers fed the dog
a twenty pound rib roast.
His feet are
sticking in the air
like skinny old fence posts.
Now they're in a
free-for-all,
the girls against the boys.
They're fighting
over boxes
'cause they're bored with all their toys
My mother-in-law
is snoring
in my favorite TV chair.
Those kids are stringing
lights on her
and tinseling her hair.
I oughta wake her up
before the fireworks
begin.
But I wanna see those blue sparks fly
when they plug
her in !!!
(Author Unknown)
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